Spirit brothers.

They know more than we ever will.

What a beautiful little boy (and big brother) you have there. And the new pictures are fabulous.

WOW I can't believe how big Ben has gotten. He's amazing.

Beautious Kate, just beautious. When are we going to get to see you guys??

Lovely. All heart, they are. All heart.

Oh. This is so heartwarming and breaking

Beautiful and heartbreaking indeed.

Ben is precious and looks SO big! Nothing better than Mama's Milk :)

Hugs from SC

ashley

sigh. How wonderful that Evan looks at Ben and thinks of Liam too.

Ben is looking so very big!

those eyes look like they will SEE SO MUCH!

I think you handled that really well. Spirit brother. I love that.

no words, Kate, but tears and smiles for Evan and Liam, for all that understanding, and an earsplitting grin for Ben, with those eyes.

oh is ben ever beautiful!and evan, he's a wise one.

but oof. that question.

Ben is simply gorgeous.

Precious.

amazing and beautiful in every single way.

love to you.

mb

Well done. It's those small questions (from them) that need big answers (from us) that are so important. Great answer.

And what a beautiful face on that bub.

-ADM(long time lurker, slightly phobic of commenting)

I know it would make me stop in my tracks to answer those questions, but Evan can appreciate at least an edited version of the truth.

And I know that a five year old's honestly can be as terrifying as the morning realization in college that you called your new guy at 3:00 a.m. the previous evening. You know they both are inevitable and quite uncomfortable after the fact. Other toddler moments compare in terror as well(i.e. large-girthed man at checkout line in grocery or museusm + brutal honesty of 5 year old = mortification, and subsequent lengthy chat with small offender).

I know that it is probably a day by day effort for you to maintain your sanity amisdt your grief, and the guilt that you feel towards Ben for being sad/angry over the loss of Liam has to be completely normal, but trying for you all the sam.

You must find peace knowing that you will see him again. I truly believe, and what a great thing it is to look forward to.

On another note, have you read the Time Traveler's Wife? It's truly a delicious read and filled with hope in the end.

This is my first post here. I've been reading for months...just never got the courage up to write since you seem to have such a practical grasp on everything. Best of luck to you, Justin, Evan and Ben as you adventure ahead.

Regards and much Admiration,

Kara

that must have been a hard question, and i love your answer. you are a great mama.

ben is looking excellent! i love the leg chub, and he looks so alert...like he's taking it all in, including the lovely pattern of that bedspread (which i love!).

Your boys are so sweet and beautiful.

Oh, that Evan just takes my breath away - he so adores his brothers:) His love is stronger than anyother I've seen at his age - he is so special.Ben has a twinkle in his eye, he is so content looking at his picture today.All my love

What sweetness. I can't imagine the sensation under your hand through that exchange.

Fluffy PS: I love the orange pattern.

((((Evan))))((((you))))

Squishy warm spot in my heart from that exchange.

Ben's face is SO expressive!

You are amazing................It has been 5 years since I lost Gabriel, not a day goes by that I don't think of him. My girls ask about him from time to time, and it is always bitter-sweet......A little prayer for little star Liam.CarrieNJ

what a beautiful big boy, such heart.

I just don't know how you do it girl.

He's a doll.

Ben looks so deliciously sweet!

Precious Evan, a wise little soul...

What a question! What a sweet big boy! And what a mama!

And Ben...I just want gobble him up. His chubby apple cheeks! Yummy!

I am glad that Evan, despite his young age, has Liam in his heart.

Ouf, the bitter-sweet sting in the hart reading this post. Such a serene answer to this question so full of potential heaviness.

Sweetness and gentleness for you.

sigh- i can't even imagine what that is for you- all joy and anguish at once.

peace to you, kate. may liams light surround you all and bring you peace.

Kate - I have found you again. I turned inward for a very long time and just focussed on my own little family. And now, thru other forces (I have been friends with Jeanette for years now) I have stumbled upon you again.

And I have spent the better part of the morning completely ignoring and distracting my own two beauties to read about you and yours.

I have no words for you. And I have endless words for you.

Most of all, I give love to you, to all your boys, big and small.

An emotion upwell now, suddenly for me. My baby brother died last August, 2 weeks after I birthed my daughter. My grief, then, now, is almost all-consuming. I've never had to say hello and goodbye to a child of my body, but my baby brother, who I raised when I was just a child, was a child of my heart. So, I know some of what you feel, not all, but a little bit.

Love yourself, love your man, love your boys. I'll be checking up on you.

Oh, my heart can't take it. Such a-sweetness and a-beauty.xo

Gorgeous boys, All of them.hugs.

I adore that cross-eyed shot. And that fabric ROCKS.

What an absolute doll!

We call our heavenly babes our Twin Stars. This struck such a bittersweet chord for me...

We call our twin angels just simply "our girls".. because everything else is a boy. Hugs Sweetie. I know you need one.

Just found your blog through a friend. I know it is quite late to say this, but I am so sorry for your loss. I know a different form of loss (recurrent m/c), and a different NICU stay (level 2 for 17 days). But from my vantage, you are extraordinary. You write so beautifully through all you are experiencing as you find a new normal. Thank you for sharing your perspective. What you write and how you craft it is a gift to us.

awww, how long it takes to sink in for children.i remember my mom telling me that she asked me if i liked our new house a couple of months after we had moved there (i was about evan’s age). i said “yes, but when do we go home again?” she realized i had just accepted the change without questioning or understanding it.

what a beautiful picture of ben! those eyes, and that smile!he looks like he can’t wait to see everything out there.oh, and you have that lovely ikea bed-set i want to get. it’s so cheerful.

Ben is really, truly lovely. oops - getting clucky!

Your baby is darlin'! (she said with a very southern accent!) But I am wondering...how did you survive all the chaos in your home renovation? We are about to enter that world and I am terrified!! I have 3 children, oldest is 7 and I love to cook - and soon to be without a kitchen and much more!! How do you find peace, what do you do with people in your house all day and HOW does a marriage survive this (I am home all day and my husband is at work) HELP!!!

Beautiful! The answer, the babies, the photo, the post.

for those that asked, bine wins the prize... yes, ben's on a duvet cover from Ikea. cheap 'n cheery.

And hello to the delurkers and new readers... thanks so much for piping up. It's so nice to know who's out there.

bird - to help alleviate the stress of renovation, I recommend going into early labour and giving birth to premature twins and living in the NICU for two months and then only getting to take one home. I'll tell ya, it had a way of putting faucet choices into perspective.

Kinda kidding, kinda not. (smile)

It takes one's breath away.

i love this. it's amazing how much the little people remember and understand.

great pics. beautiful baby.

i imagine there will always be a heatbreaking moment when you think "well, this is what liam would have looked like right now too". i doubt evan and ben will ever be unaware of liam, even after you are gone, so he will live on in their hearts and spirit for many years to come.

your eye is so lovely. both your photographer's eye and your writer's eye. thanks for continuing to share with us.

Oh how beautiful. Thanks for a good, healthy, therapeutic early morning cry! This is such a gorgeous post.

Breathtakingingly beautiful and heartbreaking. Congrats on the perfect post. :)

JulieUsing My Wordshttp://theartfulflower.blogspot.com

Over here from Oh The Joys. That is a perfect post. Just beautiful.