The chia and the tyrant
Mama: PLEEEEEASE can I have some fishstick? PLEEEEEASE pretty pretty pretty pretty PLEEEEASE?
(boy giggles, places hands over previously shunned bowl)
Boy: NO!
Mama: I’m gonna git me some fishyfish, mama’s hungry hungry huuuuungry! (roars terrible roar, gnashes terrible teeth, rolls terrible eyes, shows terrible claws)
Boy: NONONO!
Mama: YESYESYES!
Boy: NO! (shoves whole fishstick into mouth)
Mama: Whaaa! (tricksy mama cackles triumphantly inside head)
Boy: Ha! (tricksy son cackles triumphantly out loud)
++++++++++
He is The Borg. Countermeasures only work for a few effective shots: then he assimilates my strategy and once again demands popsicles over peas.
He is bossame, bossayou. Mama NO! No snack mama. I busy. Mama go over dere. I no poop. (toxic green cloud promptly fills room)
In comparison to this boy, babyrearing is about as taxing as keeping care of a chia pet. Suddenly we’re struck with just exactly how twitched up we were when we had Evan, and how marvellously straightforward infants are.
Feed. Burp. Cuddle. Sleep. (repeat)
For his new baby brother it’s that squashy sort of enthusiasm, the kind that has him playing horseshoes with his potty training toilet seat and Ben’s stationary head.
He stops strangers in the street to say I ABIG BRUDDER. My widdle brudder is ABEN. He is ABABY. He no talk. They say Oh! Indeed and Well my goodness as they should, and we go on our way, the two of us walking well above the ground.
++++++++++
As soon as it came up on screen I started to cry. Ben’s head, the faint outline of his skull and then, inside, more or less a dark-grey void. Looks good said the technician, thankfully engrossed in her work and not in me.
The last cranial ultrasound I saw was Liam’s. It was white, mostly. The remnants of an explosion, deciphering damage like trying to pick out the perimeter of a particular cloud on an overcast day. No wonder they were shocked that he was able to orchestrate a sneeze I think to myself, and loss washes over me like a pounding, the visual before and after of what should have been two identical boys.
I close my eyes and rub my lips back and forth across the fuzz on Ben’s head, grateful but thinking love, love, bittersweet forever.
sweetsalty kate
47 Comments
Reader Comments (47)
Happy, though, to hear Ben is thriving.
As I always say, shit. Life is hard. But you handle it deftly and with grace.
Peace.
And hooray for Ben's good news. I'm clicking out with a giant smile tonight.
(And my big boy says "I busy right now" much like yours -- it's all I can do not to crack up at his seriousness! They are darlings, aren't they?)
I'm glad Ben's doing well, and I love the big brudder stories. My big boy is 14 1/2, right now, taller than me and his dad, practicing backing the car up and down the driveway and--oh, if you think your big boy is ornery now, just wait...
As always when I come here, my words don't do yours justice.
Lots of hugs to all of you.
So glad to hear of the healthy check up. Yay!
I'm glad to hear Ben is fine. Soon they'll be trying to kill eachother like mine. :)
nodding, heart full, short on words...as ever, blown a little apart by yours. in a good way.
maybe that's what bittersweet is - everything a little heightened, a little more.
P.S. I'm loving your new masthead!
Glad to hear Ben's ultrasound looked good. I'm so sorry for your loss, Kate. You are such a strong woman and so full of grace. Reading your words makes me want to be a better person.
Much love,ashley
Hope you are having a wonderful day with your boys!
much love,ashley
Evan is just doing what any three-year-old worth his salt should be doing.
And Ben? Good to see that reassuring dark grey. I'm so so glad.
Bittersweet? Yeah. Perfect word.
xxoo
Do you shop at Anthropologie I wonder?
Amanda, I meant to say earlier - how beautiful, the notion of connecting the dots. Beautifully put.
Betsy - I think I've heard of anthropologie but have never seen it... worth checking out? Or maybe I shouldn't...
Ashley - exactly! he's, like, totally yummy. :)
Right now Atticus is a champion eater, but like all things, I'm sure it will change, so I'll be filing away this technique for later.
Also, the ultrasound story floored me. xoxo
'Anthropologie:' it is an awesome store, one of my favorite of all time.
Take care -
The answer is No, I'm not pregnant, but still thinking about it...have to have another chat with "Daddy".
I love the new masthead too- strong, brave, ready to tackle the waves, while still appreciating the vast blue sky. Sweet and salty.
As for Anthropologie- you are in trouble, girl. Get your credit cards ready.
xo
ok...i'm a little embarassed that i just wrote that.
so glad to hear ben's test went well.
Viggo forever!
Congrats on the healthy check up!
Because of all this we had a very intensive 20-week ultrasound and a fetal echocardiogram during the next pregnancy. I so know that feeling of holding your breath and waiting to see the problems, especially with the echocardiogram. Our son has had so many of those it was quite odd to see one where the "red" blood and the "blue" blood were distinct and not mixed. Thankfully our daughter, who is now 4 months old, is just fine. I just laugh when people ask with great concern about the big birthmark on her knee; who cares? I'm so happy that we aren't looking at heart surgeries and home visits from a teaching team and various therapists. It's such a breath of relief.
Oh, and our boy looooves fishsticks. Hates ketchup and ranch dressing though. Go figure.