We went to antenatal classes that promoted the idea of natural birth - and we bought into so completely that when I was begging for an epidural Cory was asking me to reconsider. When Duncan was finally born, I was too weak & tired to trust myself to hold him - Cory ended up taking over so that I could rest. Now, nine months after, I can't even remember what it felt like to give birth and the whole event has really faded in importance. If we ever get up the courage to do it again, I hope I'll be way less fixated on how it happens and just look forward to the result!

Someone I work with is all giddy about her pregnancy and upcoming birth, and feels ashamed of it, and I said "Are you INSANE! You're pregnant! Enjoy it!"

There is something so simply profound to birth that we don't examine quite enough. I wish I would have examined it more when I was pregnant. Good for you being able to.

I've been replaying Atticus's birth a lot these last couple of days. I don't think it has faded in importance for me, if anything it has grown. Is the C-section a done deal with this pregnancy, or is it the most likely outcome? You must remind yourself that how the babies arrive isn't important in relation to the fact that the babies will be arriving healthy and safely.

Kate, you are something - you are prepared for whatever comes your way: natural or c-section, drugs or frozen... regardless, you have put more thought into your birth than most so if anyone is something, it is you. Whatever the experience, the outcome will be the same: 2 amazing little babes.

Kate,Indeed, you are all those things: bendy, resilient, goddess warrior, owl, eagle. You embody so much of what we have on this Earth. You are both grounding yourself and allowing your wings to spread as wide as they need.What you speak of so openly and wisely is surrender, and I embrace that so much in birth...we surrender our bodies and our hearts, to trust all, we surrender to our babies...But in doing so, we surrender to being part of a greater energy surrounding us, the Great Light...and we realize that we ARE that light. :)Your realizations bubble over in this post and I'm giddy to share them with you. Thank you for reminding me to stay light and open.Now, rub your gorgeous baby belly for me and send those boys some lovin'. :)XOXO

i just wrote a really nice something to you and it never posted. %*$&! so for now i say i bow down to you. you are the buoyant beauty, your journey is so refreshing and honest. So real. Your language is universal and your path is lit. I hope many people read your words because they contain the secret of birth: surrender. Surrender!!!! And at the same time being active in birth. A strange yet perfect balance.

also, can you find me a little bendyman...i think that would be a good talisman for me.

many thanks because you are opening up so much for me while you walk this road to triple-mama-hood.

I wanna play with you someday.

marybeth

Stubbornly calm is a perfect way to be. And like the others have said, surrender to it. Resigned, submissive, to something bigger than us, something over which you can only have so much control. Control is an illusion when it comes to birth. We've all heard the stories of the birth plans that have done a 180 in the moment. It's wonderful that you're open to whatever must happen. I think it's a fabulous attitude to have, especially in the case of twins where it's even more out of your control. I'd say that no matter what happens, it will be great - you have a great doc, a great attitude, a lovely, supportive husband and the backing of some fabulous women. With those ingredients in place, it will be a strong birth, a brave birth and a joyous birth, no matter how it happens. Can't wait to meet those babes!

This is so interesting to hear from you all about your births... how you wish you'd approached it differently (or not), or what your hopes are for next time. No matter how nonchalant we try to be, it is such a big event.. and I think we all have a touch of self-imposed performance anxiety, or envision it as going a certain way. I know I did.

M - a c-section is not planned, but it's the more likely of all possibilities. I'll have ultrasounds every week after 30 weeks, and each time, they'll be watching for the fluid levels, and for continued growth. With only one placenta shared between the two, I'm told it can often run out of steam early, at which point the babies are proactively born and then put into the NICU to put on weight. And of course if that happens, they don't like to put premature babies through the stress of induction, so in that case a c-section will happen.

My doctors are very much open to the idea of trying vaginal birth, as long as the babies are progressing well. It just all depends on how the placenta holds out, and then of course the planets (i.e. heads) have to align perfectly to attempt v-birth (otherwise you can end up delivering one vaginally and the other by emergency section, which would NOT be fun!)

What it all comes down to is that this twin pregnancy is going very well, and I'm happy with my caregivers, and they're very patient and gentle and collaborative. My job is to be prepared for anything, depending on what these boys need.

I began writing a little about c-sections, trying to articulate what it was about that mode of delivery that makes me not want it. And that's where this post came from - I had to laugh when I saw the first few words that came out.. all words that describe Evan's birth. Even that small exercise taught me something.

Thanks all of you for such supportive and thoughtful words. They stick. :)

this was beautiful and brought me back to that feeling of trying to make myself a vessel of calm flexibility, trying to quell my anxieties and my will-like-a-bull into standing back and coming second. or, in your case, third.

you'll be delivering at the IWK? i spent a LOT of time there over the past two years...seven weeks alone last year on bedrest with O. there are good hands there to be in. and by most you yourself will not be forgotten or dismissed as you try to be fiercely calm, but they will be all about the babies if need be and that's good too. and you will be a subject, object case yes, but the more circumstances demand the need for that the less you will care, at the moment, i think.

which i suppose is what you're telling yourself here, in part.

how far along are you now?

While I agree that sometimes things during the birth of our children happen that are out of our control, and I also agree that in the long-run healthy babies are the most important outcome, what I also strongly believe is that the way the baby(ies) get here is important too. So, if you have strong feelings for a vaginal birth I believe there are things you can do to help make the outcome a greater reality. I always love talking about my birth experience, so I welcome e-mails if you would like to know about the things I did that I like to think contributed to my positive birth experience.

The birth of my monochoronic twins was a spontaneous labor, intervention free (unless you count a hep-loc an intervention), drug-free, vaginal birth. It is possible. Keep the hope. It took place in the OR room of a small local hospital, not my first choice of place of delivery, but it was only for the pushing stage and once I had them dim the lights, it was really just a place to push the babies out. It was a beautiful experience and one I am thankful for every day.

I think the attitude you have is a great one. However, I’m going to be the voice that says plan for a vaginal birth; educate yourself, meditate, visualize your positive birth, and don’t give up hope.

Love & Peace - Andrea

Bon - yes, everything will happen at the IWK. Pretty well as cheerful of a place as you can hope a hospital to be.. lovely, considerate people for the most part. I didn't know you'd been on bedrest - that must have been a looong seven weeks! But like you said, you do what has to be done.

I'm 23 weeks now, but at wednesday's ultrasound and checkup I measured at 31 weeks in singleton belly size. Still a long way to go.. I think I'm going to need that wheelbarrow after all! :)

Andrea, thanks for getting in touch. That's fantastic that you were able to have the kind of birth experience you'd hoped for. To be honest I still don't even know if I have strong feelings about vaginal birth. I almost don't dare to, because I don't want to be disappointed when so much more is out of my control (than with a singleton pregnancy). I'd rather have a vaginal birth for sure, but I also want to at least process the possibility of a c-section so that I can be ready to adapt and be positive if that's what the babies need.

I'm still at a bit of a loss as to the technical terms - does monochorionic mean that you had two tents in one room as well? (ha.. like my invented laymans' lingo?) Did you have one placenta or two?

If it weren't for the single placenta, I might be a tad less likely to face a proactive birth due to growth issues (hence a c-section). I'd love to hear more about your approach. Initially, my focus is on coming to terms with what I'd rather not go through - as opposed to visualizing what I'd like to go through. While vaginal's my first choice, it's not the one I'm worried about, so at the moment it's taking an emotional backseat. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I'd love to hear more from you. I'll be in touch. :)

Kate -

Yes, monochorionic = two tents in one room :) One placenta. The placenta is formed within the chorionic sac so if there is one chorionic sac there will be one placenta; two chorionic sacs (dichorionic)two placentas.

I understand wanting to process a c-section beforehand just in case. I guess my approach was totally different. I knew it was always a possibility but I guess I didn't let myself go down that path and figured if it happened then I would process it afterward (obviously, we all do things differently). However, we didn't know it was a monochorionic pregnancy until after they were born. I was never treated "high risk" but my OB did do frequent ultrasounds for growth checks. As it turned out, they ended up developing Acute TTTS (twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome; only happens in identical twins that share a placenta) - but it must have happened at the very tail end of labor and everything turned out okay. Now I look back and am so thankful that things went the way they did (fast)...would it have been more helpful to have that knowledge (shared placenta) ahead of time? Probably- I would have known of the possibility of TTTS (although since he was already doing frequent ultrasounds, I don't think my care would have changed), but then I would have been more worried and stressed out and I think that can effect (affect?) a labor/birth. On the other hand, looking back, not having that knowledge seems risky and I now feel the OB was a little incompetent in the twin area. He diagnosed them as diamniotic/dichorionic (which means they have their own amniotic sacs and their own chorionic sacs) at our first ultrasound and after doing research after the boys were born (I researched like crazy after the TTTS diagnosis) I looked back at the ultrasounds and it's pretty apearant to me that they were diamniotic/monochorionic. And then the pathologist confirmed that it was indeed one placenta and they did have TTTS.

I don't know. I guess me not having the shared placenta information let me be "blisfully unaware" of certain things, while you are well aware of what can happen and it will probably be in the back of your mind the whole time. At least you can ponder the different scenarios and that alone could help you wrap your mind around a c-section, and possibly accept it beforehand.

It sounds like your care providers are well experienced with twins and have your best interest at heart. You, not having expectations of your birth one way or the other yet, are protecting yourself and I totally get that.

I'm sorry I rambled so much. I talk a lot, and then if I get on the subject of birth I usually have a hard time stopping :)

Good luck to you. I wish you and your family the best with whatever path your birthing route takes. Mostly - I wish you a healthy pregancy that results in two healthy boys.

Love & Peace - Andrea

Hi Andrea, wow.. how interesting. That is strange that they didn't properly diagose the type of twinning.. all said and done, you're awfully lucky that the TTTS only developed at the end. I've heard babies can get into pretty severe danger from that (although my OB-GYN is very sweet and tells me not to worry, she doesn't want to give me more information than I need to know).

There's certainly something to be said for blissful unawareness. :)

As for the c-section, I'm considering it also because of how my first birth occurred. It went scary suddenly, and I almost had a c-section, and delivered in the OR with lots of frantic intervention. The prospect of a c-section (I was told that's what would be done as I was being wheeled down the hall) really, really freaked me out, and I was not a happy camper. I hadn't even remotely considered that it might happen, and I wasn't ready to accept it. Knowing how that felt and how that coloured Evan's birth.. makes me want to be more well-rounded in my preparations this time, especially now since the chances are that much higher.

But I am very heartened to hear of your story.. it does refocus my head a bit to what's positively possible. Thanks so much for sharing it!

No, no, no - not the fantastic four - the fabulous five. You think that after that amazing email conversation we're letting you out of our clutches for even a minute. Nope, no way. You're in now - live with it.

I think that it is a wonderful thing to be processing the way you are already. Working through it, doing all that inner stuff that makes the outer stuff flow so much easier. Remember always what I said about empowered birth - I've been at empowered goddess-like c-section births, and I've been at horrible, disrespectful, completely disempowering unmedicated vaginal births. Intention is key, knowledge is key, intuition is key, your birth team is key....but you've already got everything you need - and you've got the time to discover it all.

Plus - you've got the fantastic four to help you along the way:)

JeanettePS: I just thought of this - maybe if those boys stick around long enough I could take some maternity photos this summer - if you'd let me.

PPS; Would love to talk with you more about Evans birth, if and when you're ready for it. I have some thoughts that might help from a doula viewpoint.

Hang in there! It sounds like your bendy man will work well for you. Though I would also encourage you to do visualizations of head down babies. If you can get Twin A to be head down a vaginal birth is a good option according to the docs. I also had twin girls, two tents, two rooms, fused placenta. At 38 weeks A was vertex and B was breech, at 38w5d they were both head down! It was an amazong experience giving birth to twins. After a first birth nearly identical to Evan's (though make 3rd a 4th) I was also scared. The positive visualizations did a lot for me.

Jeanette, you really are such a well of calm and insight. Thank you!

Robin, you make such a great point. I've heard tell of twin (and singleton) mamas doing exactly that, visualizing the heads-down, and it can only be a good thing to do. That really is the optimal head space to be in, isn't it? For me and for them!